Chuck E. Fargin' Cheese*

I remember watching this episode of Night Gallery, where the protagonist (John Astin, he of Addams Family fame) is a hip swinging 70's kinda guy who crashes his car and ends up in this weird room, a kind of American hillbilly deliverance Gothic. It's just bizarre, folks spouting nonsense like some sort of avant-guarde play.

Eventually Satan shows up (doesn't he always in a 70's tv show? Note to self: Why were we worried about Science in the 50's, and the occult in the 70's?) and helpfully explains to Mr. Gomez Hipster, that he's in hell. But, here's the rub, this same room that's hell to a hipster, is over in Heaven, because someone good would really really like this weird crap.

Had to attend a birthday party at Chuck E. Cheese. Not to put too fine a point on it, but there will be a lot of adults, that if there is a hell, will end up in Chuck E. Cheese for time and all eternity.

Highlights:

So crowded that when we found a table, we set our coats on the seats, and had some of our other restaurant detritus there. Come back a little later after letting the kids go wild playing games and there's this guy sitting at the table. Well, I needed to get something from one of the coats, and this dude just sits there. Doesn't utter a word. Like what am I supposed to say? "Excuse me Mister, but you're violating the social compact by failing to acknowledge your bogarting of my seat. If you say "oh sorry" that gives me an out to be polite the old fake contrition, and society moves on greased by . If you keep sitting your weird ass there, not acknowledging the universal rule of "finders keepers" and "early bird" I gotta get weird. I just left, figuring it would work itself out. It did.

Am standing there with my son looking around for our next mechanical toy to stuff tokens in and I feel the token cup in my hand getting very heavy. I look down and there's this kid trying to take tokens out of my cup! While I'm holding it! I get all "Whoa buddy! What are you doing?" And I get some kid answer like "well I was on the going to . . . "

I hate that place as much as the kids seem to love it.

*My apologies to Mr. Lileks who has said more and better and funnier things about this place than I ever will.