Tuesday, January 15, 2008

The ten things I've done that you likely haven't

Scalzi made me do it:

1) Intentionally failed the Army's Air Assault course.
2) Became reasonably fluent in Persian/Farsi and then lost it (and I wasn't Iranian to begin with).
3) At 6', 200lbs, been the "littlest bouncer" (how cute!) at a Country Western Bar.
4) Worked at a bar Jack Ruby used to manage.
5) Taken a class from one of Ted Bundy's professors.
6) Taken a class from one of Lee Harvey Oswald's teachers . . .
7) Had a client who claimed his father helped with the assassination of JFK.
8) Had "The Bangles" sign my chest at a music store.
9) Been a roadie for an Ethiopian band.
10) Have Gwendolyn Brooks find your favorite literature "interesting".


mlah said...

the bangles signed your tits?

failed an army course on purpose? bet that has never happened before.

TexasPatrick said...

Yep, they did. Or rather the shirt I was wearing. Low cut, even. Ah, to be a man groupie . . .

And failing the army course was weirdly harder than it sounds: they kept giving me do-overs that got progressively easier, where at some point, I had to be so wildly ignorant of them saying things like "hmm, there maybe something you want to look at 'over here'" that I may as well not have been speaking English either. And this was an optional course, so I was supposed to be the best of the best of the best sir!!

And besides, the only test I had to pass was the one where I've done something YOU haven't. Can't be making up "oh, I bet someone, somewhere else, probably, maybe, does things like that, so, yeah" type stuff.